On Professionalism

Yesterday, two of my co-workers, a fellow consultant and one of the client’s FTEs, were having a dispute about some procedural issues.  I’m not going to discus specifics, nor who was “right,” that’s not the point of this post.

In the course of the dispute, both sent fairly preemptory emails, and exchanged harsh- though still mostly civil- words verbally as well.  For the rest of us in the area, it was fairly uncomfortable, and I hope they thought so as well, once they each cooled down and thought about it.

In this particular case, the major issue was that neither side was actually listening to the other.   Had either been willing to set their assumptions aside for thirty seconds while the other completed a statement, I believe the issue would have been resolved much sooner than it was.

So, for the record, let’s set out some rules about workplace disagreements.

1: Don’t have public arguments.  Ever. 

This is highly important.  When you argue with a colleague, nothing good comes from it.  More-over, you will probably hurt the group by causing it to divide into factions over who is right.  Finally, you hurt the group in the eyes of any other observer who may be walking by.

When you have a disagreement, take the person with whom you disagree aside and have a private discussion.  If you can secure an office or conference room, feel free to yell.

2: Listening doesn’t just mean waiting for the other person to finish speaking.

Every “conflict resolution” class ever in the history of ever has agreed on this point.  When the other person is speaking, you should not be thinking about what you’re going to say next, you should be paying attention to them.

Most people don’t do things that don’t make sense- when viewed from their perspective.  So, when someone is saying something that doesn’t make sense to you, you’re probably holding a different set of assumptions than the person to whom you’re speaking.  The correct answer, at that point, is to check your own assumptions at the door, and try to see things from a viewpoint where what the other person is saying is reasonable.  Once you’re able to do that- even if you disagree- you’ll be much more able to remain polite.

Politeness helps speed the resolution of the issue.

3: Never assume.

I mean that.  Never make assumptions beyond those necessary to hold a conversation.

The argument yesterday could have been shortened considerably had either party, let alone both, stopped assuming that the other was being unreasonable (see point 2).  The issue was over a particular process and whether it had been followed in a particular case.  One party assumed the process hadn’t been followed, the other assumed it had, and there was no clear evidence one way or the other.

Had each party checked their assumptions at the door, the entire exchange would have gone something like this:

“Hey, when [Resource X] did such-and-such, did they make sure to follow [Procedure Y]?”

“I’m sure they did, but I’ll send an email {the other resource is off-shore} to make sure of that.”

So, the next time you have a disagreement with a co-worker, whether you or they are a consultant, contractor, FTE, PTE, or whatever, remember that the rest of the office would much prefer it if you keep things professional and civil.  If you’re unable to comply with either of those, take the argument somewhere the rest of us don’t have to hear it.